alright now
went violet's house just now
played mahjong and all with violet yeng2 and simin
went novena for steamboat
left and met muffin at pasir ris
and this weird thing happened
muffin was standing at the 403 bus lane and i walked over to her
then theres this girl in front of her smiled to me and said hi
so i smiled and said hi back
then muffin asked me this 'your friend ar?'
and i actually thought it was HER friend
but then again, i find her very familiar that i dont know who she was -.-
so in the end i said hi to someone whom i dont know who she was LOL!
went to muffin's chalet and then went off
so now comes the serious part
hmm
i was like thinking while waiting for 3 at like 1230 and after a 3A passed by, i realised there wasnt anymore bus to punggol
and so i decided to sit at the bus stop for a while since im typing all these in my handphone
i realised that there are times when im scared
not of losing but instead im lost
the feeling of loss
i dont know how to explain
i swear i think a lot at night but cant be helped
i need to know what i want all these while but apparently, i still couldnt find the answer
be it at relationships or life
i mean seriously, my results are like shit
i cant study
im nothing but useless
grow up working as what i asked myself
nothing came into mind
im wasting my life away now
spending so much, drinking and doing something else
auntie julie said this before, everyone's young only once, so why not try everything?
and i pondered on that
i realised i tried almost everything, not talking about drugs fyi
of course its nothing compared to what others do
and i do realise too, that nobody knows me well enough
not even
youa lot of you think that i wont do lots of stuff but in fact, i had done more than what you think
just that i didnt say out
come on la, im not as good and obedient as you people thought i was
im just another fucking bitchy asshole alright
i just felt tired of living up to what you people think of me
what you people want me to be
when im all smiles doesnt mean im all happy
say im two faced i dont give a damn
when i smile when im unhappy, its because i dont want you guys to worry about me
but when i give an unhappy face, you guys think im giving you attitude
so now, tell me how should i express myself?
im tired alright
fuck it like seriously
dont come bullshit and say 'dont worry, you're not as bad as you think you are'
im as bad as you thought okay
dammit, the more i typed, the more fucked up i feel
i needed you, like always
and again, you failed to be there
i know you'll say that i didnt tell you anything so how're you supposed to know
the only thing i can say now is, you gave me the feeling that even when i tell you, it would mean nothing to you
im sorry but you gave me nothing
it wasnt materialistic stuff that i wanted
you failed to realise what i needed all along
what i
wanted all along
where do i really stand in that heart of yours
do i even have a place at the start
or was it just my wishful part of thinking
alright, enough of this
its gonna be alright i tried to assure myself but to no avail..